Well I made it I am at the end of year 2 as a Stage 4 Melanoma Patient, so is it time for a New year, new me resolution list not a chance!

As the saying goes pressure is for tyres and I’m quiet happy to hold on to my melanoma acquired spare, it’s a sign that I am doing well to me at least not sure what others think maybe they see me and don’t realise how sick I have been and think Jesus she let herself go! I’m not going to put myself through the self loathing and pressure that’s put on people at this time of year it’s like some kind of mad flip of a switch gorge yourself for Xmas starve for January or at least for first two weeks after which most people never return to that gym or running club as the pressure of it all gets to them. Life is Short eat the bloody cake probably not the entire thing but a piece of something you enjoy is a whole lot better than a lifetime of denial.

People say if you had a year to live what would you do but the reality is if you find out you only have that much time you might be so sick in that year you won’t be able to do anything so for the new year instead of berating yourself go do the things you want to do NOW tomorrows are never guaranteed  and there are no do-overs in life.

I’m on the departure bus according to statistics but I have been incredibly lucky I got access to medication that I can tolerate and gives me time. I am living in a different bubble to most folks its scary but it forces you to take stock of the important stuff family, good friends you will find out very suddenly who sticks by you and who doesn’t and you will value greatly time spent with those precious few in it for the long haul with you. Your emotions become a roller-coaster of highs and lows you cannot tolerate negative people, there is no time for petty arguments move on enjoy your time, problems don’t cease because of your diagnosis the world doesn’t stop for you, you want to hit pause so you can catch up it’s all going too fast two years rushes by will you get two more? who knows your doctors can’t tell you no body can its constantly in your field of thought but you have to push it down or you would crumble. Well meaning acquaintances tell you sure no one knows when their time is up this is true but it is not the same as living daily with it hovering over your head like Eeyore’s black cloud.

So New Year New Me no not a chance I’m too busy enjoying myself and eating cake

Kay xx