Today is a bit of a weird day for me I hadn’t been focused on it but I woke up with severe anxiety which seems a bit silly considering my good results earlier in the week. This morning two years ago I was in hospital, I had been asked if my husband could be there for rounds first thing in morning, so I knew it wouldn’t be good but bless him he tried to keep me upbeat,…… even though he was at hospital from 8am it wasn’t until 2pm that day we were asked to follow the nurse to a private room to meet the surgeon,….. I was still in a lot of pain even though I’d been startled on morphine the day before but didn’t know it….. And then they told me….. or rather I asked them before they did because their faces gave the game away…..Where is it? They didn’t give me a straight answer just saying they would transfer me over to the care of Oncology as they wouldn’t be able to operate….. The irony is it was my beautiful cousin Jakki’s birthday that day…… a fact I’d forgotten until the first person I rang to tell my news to, my godmother, who had also happened to be her Aunt reminded me,…… that phone call was horrendous because of my news and more so because Jakki had died three years previously age 23 from Melanoma……. At that moment in time I really didn’t think I was going to make it……. and In truth I wasn’t really expected to by my team……. I was extremely thin and weak and the picture was pretty bleak for me if I didn’t respond quickly to some treatment…… The sad thing is three years earlier that beautiful young woman had been in the same position…… her family had somehow raised tens of thousands to get her to London to have IPI…… but it was no good she died a few months later……. but now things have changed so much and there is so much more hope…… new medications that weren’t available to her …….but there is still way too many who are not seeing the benefit I have from the treatments either because they just can’t access them or they still don’t work when they can……. and that breaks my heart as I have seen first hand what it’s like to lose someone to Melanoma……… So today I will remember Jakki in all her fabulousness on her birthday and focus on all that is good in life……. I spent time with my family and did ordinary things I could only ever dream of on this day two years ago……silly little things like going for a bowl of soup in town, doing the weekly shop……picking my son up from his friend’s after his first Disco last night….a big special moment I was so happy to see…..Tonight I am going to a party, I’m going to get dressed up and have a few drinks maybe even dance a little….hopefully laugh a lot but most of all I am going to understand exactly how precious life and time really is……….